First year of Marriage chronicles: Pick your Battles
I have been married to my Amazing hubby for two years plus now, and I can say for definite the beginning of our Marriage journey was no walk in the park. You know how everyone believes they have an opinion and tell you what to do, what not to do, how to handle your husband blah blah...Well I did get all that advice and more.
I remember my oldest sister saying to me a couple of weeks to my wedding ''You two will fight a day to your wedding, you'd want to rip his head off his neck, you will reach a point were you might not want the wedding to hold'' I looked at her in shock, like really though??! Lol. But she was right, because we did have a squabble a night to our wedding, and boy! was I exhausted and needed sleep so bad,? I was scared of morning eye bags, but i was also glad she told me ahead of time.
Ever heard the ''Honeymoon phase''? Well you either have it after your wedding ceremony, all rosy, lovey dovey period, or you get the ''Argghhhh! I could chop your fingers off phase'' Want to guess the one yours truly had? Keep reading....
Lets Keep it 100.
I was (still am) thrilled to be married to my husband, it was all great the first couple months.. Suddenly you wake up and realise, you're in each others space, can't run home to Mom/Dad's after a fight. You allow yourself get so angry and nurse some not very good thoughts like ''did we get married too quickly?'' '' Is she/he really this person?'' Hurtful words that cannot be taken back are thrown from every corner.. We found ourselves being unhappy, not spending quality time together like we use to. Got me thinking what we were like in our dating days,.. of course the dating days was always rosy, because at the end of the day we had our separate homes to go afterwards, we weren't living together..... Over time, we began to see how it was affecting us as a couple, and best friends, so we began talking about our differences and all will be good again., before the next squabble, which started to seem more recurring, and for the life of us, we couldn't figure out why.
I thought I knew all there was to him, I started to think. Then I began seeking advice, I prayed for my marriage, I read books, my favourite was The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman which I will post about soon https://www.amazon.co.uk/5-Love-Languages-Gary Chapman/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491174548&sr=1-1&keywords=the+5+love+languages
I slowly began to understand, and gradually learning to recognise signs, I felt I needed to really look and know my husband well enough. All this steps i took, brought me to ''Picking my Battles'' As much as it my be difficult for us women to hold back our tongues? (Trust me, its hard) I had to learn to do it...and do it well. It absolutely doesn't make you weak or stupid, I just started to recognise and take responsibility for my own actions and mistakes, and one key element? Is to Listen to understand, and not listen to respond. We all make that error a lot of the time, and from time to time I find myself making the same error, so I try to retract quickly. It's human nature that we think we know best, and we need to speak all the time, but not necessarily so. So, for peace in my marriage/home, I began to choose my battles. I pick what I choose to use my voice for, and when we really think about what we're fighting about? You'd be amazed as to how trivial it might be, and so unworthy of the head and heartache., and it has worked so well...as a matter of fact? I realised over time my husband started to do the same :) They say ''Be the change you want to see'' at least I think that's how the saying goes..Lol
We hurt when we fight with our significant other, to the point we don't really listen to the message he/she is trying to put across, so the fight doesn't get resolved. I absolutely know and agree its difficult to swallow some pills? But trust me, it works... Go for a walk, get a breather, and revisit the situation, but the approach should be different, with the end goal of resolving the problem, not because you've got something to prove, or a need to have the last say and win the battle. But for peace of mind, for the sake of love, sacrifice, and compromise.
According to William James, ''The art of being wise, is knowing what to over look''
I'd love to read your experience on your first year of marriage journey... If you require advice drop me an email. And don't forget to subscribe to get first hand updates on new posts.. Happy reading my lovelies!!.